i'm not supposed to online today.
i have to try to restrict myself yet i can't do it.
i'll juz have d urge to go online.
but i have my reasons for coming online.
but i dun like d reason. not a valid reason.
oh well. i also dunno wad i talking.

even though these few days have been happi ones, they're not completely happi ones.
firstly, these few days i'm not feeling veri well.
i got sore throat. my throat hurts.
today is worse. i think i going to fall sick soon.

secondly, there're 5 tests next wk.
so when i tot of it, i'm not veri happi.
n i think i'm going to flunk all my tests next wk.

thirdly, i dun feel like going to sch.
i feel so sick of sch now.
no motivation for mi to go to sch.
veri meaningless.
i go sch also dun pay attention in lectures & tutorials.
wad's d point den?
i feel like ponning sch everyday.
this sucks.

fourthly, i dun like my current life.
besides studies, there's nth else.
as in i have my frenz. i feel gd to be wif my frenz.
but i wan smth else.
smth special tad can brighten up my life now.
smth tad can make mi feel real gd.
but i'm not referring to love hor..
dun anihow think.
i juz wan smth SPECIAL.
i also dunno wad i wan.
is there smth special in tis world?

last but not least, i'm in a dilemma.
i miss it. i want it.
but i think it does not belong to mi.
i cannot want it.
it dun belong to mi.
it can NEVER be mine.
but i feel terrible without it.
it can influence mi quite alot.
but i also dunno wad i wan actually.
i'm vexed.
i'm confused.
it's so complicated.
i myself also dun understand.
- missing it. -

rained @ 10:55 PM