fri went to the bazaar to help out again after my lessons.
stayed there for 2 hrs.
before meeting up with my grp mates.
and we stayed over in sch till 10++
but well, we had so much fun.
all the funni funni jokes.
and the shitty talk we had.
hahaha.
damn funni.
it's a long, tiring yet fun day.

so the bazaar stuff is finally over.
and so now, i have to chiong my assignments.
have to start to work hard for my assignments.
which is a veri sian thing.
i dont like to study la.
so irritating.
and sch will end in less than 1 mth time.
time seems to fly.
so fast.
it's going to be d end of my 1st sem in nus.
holidays are coming.
but i'm not feeling happy at all.
i'm not looking forward to it anymore.




some sad stuff to talk abt...
i'm so disappointed.
i suddenly feel so lost.
i suddenly feel hopeless.
i suddenly feel i'm useless.
i suddenly feel so sad.
everything is just so wrong now.
veri veri veri wrong.
i guess i realli made the wrong choice.
i shldn't be here.
but do i realli regret being here?
i dunno.
i kept telling myself not to look back.
i've alreadi decided.
i've alr made the choice.
so y look back.
but i just cannot control.
i kept thinking of d other routes tad i could have taken.
i'm realli afraid.
afraid of doing d wrong things.
afraid of making d wrong choice.
afraid of my future life.
afraid of ruining my life.
afraid of everything.
i guess i need more.....
i need more support.
i need more comfort.
i need more concern.
i need more love.
i need everything tad i could have.
i need to have some sense of belonging.
i reall think it's a veri wrong choice.
but there's no turning back now.
wad shld i do.
i'm feeling so depressed now.
my life seems so fucked up now.
my life seems to be in a mess.
i'm so lost.
it's complicated.
i dunno how to save myself.
i dunno who can help me.
i dunno wad to do.
i dunno wad will happen.
i dunno. i dunno. i dunno.
i dunno anything.
i dunno everything.
i dont wanna noe.
i realli hate it.
realli realli realli hate it.
hate tis kind of feeling.
hate my decision.
hate my choice.
hate my stupidity.
hate everything of me.

i see nth in front of me.
pure darkness.
the worst is yet to come.
i predict even worse things will happen on me.
i'm scared.
i'm afraid.
maybe i expect too much.
maybe i think too much.
maybe everything is just wrong in d first place.
maybe i shldn't choose tis in d first place.
maybe i shldn't be here at all.
i can't hold back my tears anymore.

short term happiness...
1) to eat chocolates.
2) to watch Jacky Wu's shows (some taiwan shows)
3) to hug and talk to my beloved pooh bear (bai bai)
but after tad, everything is back to normal again.
the devastation.
the sadness.
the disappointment.
the regrets.
the hatred.
the you.

rained @ 6:43 PM