i suddenly have d urge to blog.
so here i am.
i sometimes really dont understand the world.
i dont understand what the god is thinking.
i wonder why sometimes d god muz be so bad to some ppl.
i'm one of them.
with lots of karma. HAHA.
all the boom in my life.
i dont seem to have any peaks.
dont have much luck also.
and why we dont reap what we sow?

i'm a fatalist.
quite a extreme one.
cos i dont believe i can change my fate.
i'm always leaving it to the destiny.
i'm such a fatalist.
so ended up always blaming the god?
hahaha.
but in any case, i think it's all fixed.
let nature take its course.
i realli hate it when ppl dont reap what they sow.
and some ppl are just damn lucky.
they get what they want.
basically, good life.

but i'm the one with bad life.
sad case leh.
and i always think alot.
i find it hard to make those important decisions.
i think alot alot just to make a decision.
but after i made a decision, i dont seem to stick with it.
i kept thinking of other choices that i have.
or i will regret the decisions that i made.
i felt so contradicting.
but there's nth i can do.
cos nobody can help mi make my decisions.
afterall, it's my decisions and it's my life.
other ppl cant decide for me.
they can only provide mi with some advices.

suddenly have so much thoughts.
partly cos of what happened today.
today i went back to sch for my bizcom agm.
agm = annual general meeting.
i didnt realli intend to run for any positions initially.
but looking back to the previous agm, i felt that maybe there's a need.
cos of the no. of ppl.
i tot today response might be better.
but it wasn't.
super sian again.

and ppl kept nominating other ppl.
though they may have rejected, they will re-nominate tad person for other position.
i rejected a few times.
den i was thinking maybe i shld run for PR.
but i wasn't veri sure if i wan tad.
cos of committment and stuff i guess.
i'm scared that my studies may be compromised cos of tad.
so i really dunno if i can take up the job anot.
i tossed a coin.
and the result was not to run.
but in d end, i still did.
i dunno if tad's a wrong decision anot.

so now, i'm officially in bizcom MC.
vice-PR.
gd thing is tad i didn't get the PR manager position.
cos i dont realli wan also.
i would rather work under someone.
but i would still think back wondering if i made d wrong choice.
i would think abt d future, wondering wad will happen.
i need to do well very badly cos i wan to go sep.
but things dont seem to be going veri smoothly for mi.
super sian.
i dunno wad to do next.
i'm always in doubt with my own decisions.
i dunno why.
cos i'm not confident enough?

i realli hope tad i wont regret.
hope tad things wont turn out too badly.
dont be like d case for uni.
2 best choices and 1 average choice.
and i chose the average choice.
previously, i kept thinking.
and now, i can seriously say i kinda regret my decision.
i still wont choose smu biz mgmt.
i shld have accept ntu comm studies.
but it's too late alr.
and i do get over it alr.
so i also nv realli think abt it animore.
things will be better in nus.
tad's wad i told myself.

for now, i shld be more worried abt exams.
2 more wks to exams.
tis wk will be quite busi finishing up 2 reports.
so i'm only left with 1 wk to chiong my revisions.
ntu starting exams next wk.. all the best to my ntu frenz!
and smu frenz whose exams have alr started.
and all the best to mi too.
tolerate just 1 more wk of sch.
and everything is over.
den can fully focus on my revisions.
jiayou ba! =D
though i'm feeling sian alr. hahha.

rained @ 10:06 PM