okay. i'm done with my first exam paper.
1 down, so 3 more to go.
i'm really glad tad my papers r quite spread out.
from the 1st sem till now, my papers have always been quite spread out.
though it means tad i will end later, i think it's alright.
cos i have more time to study.
esp. since i like to dilly-dally.
so it's good to have more time.
by 28th nov, 2 more papers would end.
and by den, i would have onli 1 more paper left.

for the upcoming exams,
there's tis paper i feel damn damn damn worried for.
tis is like the first time i'm feeling so worried for my exam paper.
in the past, i dont feel worried for exams at all.
i dont think i feel worried before.
not even once.
i will just feel nervous when i'm about to enter the exam hall.
cos i would study for my exams.
and i noe i noe my stuff.
so i wont feel worried.
i would onli feel worried after i've sat for the paper cos i would be worried abt the results.

but tis time, it's different.
it's totally different.
i feel worried.
i feel damn worried.
i totally have no confidence at all.
i noe d things taught.
i understand it.
but doing it is another different thing.
i dunno y.
but i'm like super super super worried for tad paper.
i realli hope nth will go wrong.
if not i sure die one.

i feel so sian of exams.
been taking exams every yr since the age of 4?
so it's like 16yrs alr.
so sian of exams.
from the start of being super scared of exams, till now being quite calm abt exams.
everything takes time?
sometimes i realli wonder why ppl can be so smart.
i'm always envious of those smart ppl.
not tad i'm stupid (HAHHAHA), just tad sometimes they can be realli super smart.
i'm not tad stupid.
but i'm not tad smart too.
i still rmb, everyone in sec sch would say i'm smart.
they would say things like...
'it's xiao wei leh. she wouldnt get lousy grades de'.
something like tad?
hahhaha. lol.

i'm known to be smart in sec sch.
in pri sch, i cant realli rmb.
but my frenz sort of noe i'm those who will get not bad grades i think.
in jc, i wont say my frenz think i'm smart.
cos there's alot of smarter ppl in my class.
but i'm considered not bad alr.
all these were contributed by my fast learning ability i think.
i'm a fast learner.
realli a fast learner.
i have to say i learn things veri fast.
i can understand and learn it veri fast.
though my memory were gd, i nv memorise stuff.
cos it's a dumb way of learning things.
i dislike ppl who memorise stuff.
understanding is so much a better way of learing stuff.

but things seem to be so much different in uni.
maybe cos i went to a arts faculty.
i've been a veri sci person since sec sch.
in pri sch, i rmb i dislike sci.
but when i got to my sec sch, somehow, i kinda like sci.
i enjoy doing sci.
and i can excel in sci.
i kinda like maths too.
and i can excel in maths too.
nth seem to be difficult for mi to handle.
as long as i did study, everything is okay.
the onli problem i have is to make myself study.
tad's y i've nv been to those prestigous sch.
cos i will study. but i dont study hard.
and i slack off veri fast.
so my results would be not bad but not so gd till i can go to those super gd sch.
hahahahhahaha.
but it's true though.

den when i go to uni, i went to arts faculty.
not tad i wanted.
it's cos i have no choice.
d course i wanted is under arts.
though i like sci & maths and i kinda noe i can do not bad in it, i dont wan to go into engin or sci.
cos i noe it'll be super boring to do it for 3-4 yrs.
biz is not smth i wanted to.
so i'm onli left with tad course and it's under arts.
maybe things would be different if i were to accept the ntu comm studies offer.
but it's too late.
and i nv want to think abt it anymore.
so in arts, things r veri different.
not similar to sci definitely.
tis may explain why i dont have tad confidence anymore.
it's all abt readings.
and even if u read through everything, it doesnt mean anything.
cos i wont noe if i did noe my stuff anot.

not like sci/maths where there's a definite ans.
it's all abt readings and understanding the readings.
and i hate to read.
hahaha.
okay, i think i'm digressing too much.
my point is tad, for tis upcoming exam, i feel super worried.
a feeling tad i've nv had before.
worried way before the exam is not my style.
and i dunno wad i shld do.
i'm just worried.
i realli pray hard and hope tad everything will be well for mi.
if not, GG.
god bless me pls.

okay. going back to study for my other papers.
all the best to the rest of the papers! =D
jiayou, xiao wei.
3 more papers only.

rained @ 11:59 PM